Thursday, November 8, 2012

A Couple Of Extra Pounds

    However many years you are in a relationship with someone is how many months you should be single when it's over. I was with my ex fiance for 4 years. I am just entering the fourth month of keeping my blinders on. The weeks leading up to my debut as a 'single lady', I'm asking myself How and where am I going to meet people? Online. OK... No Problem! I met some fabulous people online before. Some of which I still talk to. The wheels start to chug-a-lug along in my blond head. I'm getting excited... I'm getting nervous... I'm getting the sweats... Shit. 

   Cool it down girl... Breathe. I'm pumped. New cute outfits! Getting primped for dates! Butterflies! CASUAL SEX! Cool it right the heck down girl...

   The last thing this revvin' engine needs is another top up in fuel but I'm having more coffee. Besides, I can soak it up with a homemade carrot cupcake. The one with the ridiculous amount of cream cheese frosting seems like the obvious choice. I'm shoving half in my face and heading for the iPad. WAIT- I gotta get comfortable- jeans off.

   I'm just going to browse through the site. I still have a month before my prance into Singleville. A lot of people are online. Maybe it's more like Singlecity. 295,684 uses online as we speak? More like Singlecountry! Like shooting 'fish' in a barrel.

   Age: 33
   Height: 5"7
   Hair color: Blonde
   Eye color: Brown
   Body type: What?

   So I can choose between 'Thin'-Nope. 'Athletic' - Nope. 'Average' - Hmmmm... 'Couple of extra pounds' - Doesn't everyone need to lose a couple of extra pounds? BBW - What is that? I Google BBW: Big Beautiful Woman. I'm assuming being the last choice that that is a cushy way of say 'obese' - Nope.

   Average? Couple of extra? Hmmm... Last time I was on here I chose Average. I was 20lbs lighter than I am right now and STILL felt guilty about it because aren't ALL women trying to lose 'A Couple Of Extra Pounds'? 

   Accidentally I smear frosting across the screen and lick my finger. I'm staring at the other half of my cupcake. 

   'We're breaking up' I say. 'It's not you. It's me.' Giggling, I'm scarfing the other half. Mmmmmmmm... No more for the day.

   I'm making a plan to become Average. I've got 4 weeks before I'll even upload a picture. I'm doubling my cardio and keeping up my resistance. Mental note: add iPhone holster to shopping list to have easy access to 9-1-1... I'm gonna push through the pain! Pain? Argh... my heads flopping back as I'm stomping the floor. Good thing my jeans are already off so I can get started right now. Now? Flop. Stomp. Groan. Yeah, NOW. 

   One more cupcake for the road?